Celebrate Recovery

I wrote this last week and didn't realize it was saved not published..

We all have a hurt, habit or hang up or two. The question is do yours effect your life in a negative way. Mine do!!! The self esteem issue and depression cause me to negative, weepy, and to hide from reality. And the food addiction causes me to gain mass amounts of weight and in turn risk health issues. I have diabetes and my body hurts all the time.
I decided to start attending Celebrate Recovery at GracePointe Nazarene (the best church ever). I stopped going for a little while cause I wasn't controlling my eating issues. I have since started going again recently. And this past Monday Pastor Doug asked me to read the 8 Principles. I said yes and then during worship I kept praying about it. Because reading the principles meant introducing myself and admitting my faults. I walk up front take the microphone and deep breath........ Hi my name is Carol, I am a grateful believer of Jesus Christ who suffers from depression, self esteem issues and.... food addiction. I have no trouble telling people of the first two. The food addiction on the other hand is quite apparent looking at me but I don't like to talk about it.
I am constantly on a "diet" and my weight yo yo's up and down depending on my emotional state of mind. I am choosing happiness!! I am choosing to give it up to God and letting go of it!! NO MORE TAKE BACKS!!!

Yes food addiction is real!!

It amazes me that people don't believe food addiction is real. I struggle DAILY and obviously by my current weight I have been losing the battle. I was trying to do it on my own. And I don't mean without support of friends, I have amazing supportive friends in my life. I mean with giving it over to God. And really giving it to him. I have a habit of giving it to him and then taking it back.

Addiction: My addiction to food began because alcohol and drug addictions are not socially acceptable and I would disappoint people if I did that. (Not saying I didn't do either just saying using them daily wasn't an option for me) See I am a people pleaser who wants everyone to like me. And I want everyone around me to be happy. While the whole time sacrificing my own happiness. In return comforting myself with a threesome (Me, Ben and Jerry ice-cream is my favorite binge item)

Depression: I don't know what causes depression. But for as long as I can remember I have battled with that also. I can remember in grade school coming home crying and singing the nobody likes me everybody hates me I think I'll eat a worm song. I still feel that way, I just don't sing the song anymore. And I know that this is not true. I have AMAZING friends and lots of them.

Self Esteem: Well obviously if I feel no one likes me it's because I have no self esteem.

So these are my struggles. This blog is to help me work through my struggles. I decided this past Sunday (with the help of a very honest friend) that I want to overcome my struggles. I want to be healthy and happy. And this time I am turning to God for help!! I may have to give it to him everyday several times a day. But I can and will OVERCOME!!!